Showing all posts tagged The Great White North 🇨🇦

In Days in Edmonton, Overcasted Mind

Pneumonia

Posted on 2 Comments
Pneumonia

Just yesterday, I just got recovered from one and a half week of pneumonia. This was only the second time I got sick in Edmonton. The first was a pretty mild and casual cold, but this one is the kind of a pretty serious one.

I remember spending so much on Uber just to get to the clinic, then do an x-ray, go to the pharmacies, and buy some expensive nutrition supplies just because I didn’t even have the strength to cook myself some basic food. I tried Advil for the first time, finally figured out why its name appears in lots of Hollywood movies if it’s not because of its amazing powerful effects.

Those times make me nothing but realize that being away from home sucks big time.

I talked with Bunda on the phone while she was fully awake at 2AM-ish until morning, trying to make sure that her only daughter is staying alive on the other side of the world. That daughter that had never been sick alone before, especially when it comes to high fever that lasted for a week. I almost sent myself to the emergency room because noone was even able to take care of me; I couldn’t get myself food, my bedroom was a complete mess of quarantine of virus, I didn’t dare to touch the water for anything other than brushing teeth, I couldn’t even drink it. Walking downstairs to get myself glasses of strange-flavored tea and water with lemon or honey felt like such real huge struggles. And Bunda kept texting me 24/7 to make sure that I, at least, was staying alive.

There was no typical chicken porridge that Ayah always bought me whenever I was forced to lie in bed due to catching cold or fever. There was only some ugly-tasted instant chicken soup I forced myself to make, just because I couldn’t even stand for any longer than 15 seconds, let alone cook. He wasn’t there to prepare and clean a bucket of water that I’ve always used to vomit the accumulating mucus in my throat. I did it myself, while dragging myself to the bathroom back and forth, trying not to pass out somewhere in-between. No home cooked spinach porridge or chicken soup, no going to the usual dr. Rahayu with Ayah, no Ayah or Bunda changing my damped and unsterile pillow case and linens.

There was only me and my damped eyes, realizing how sad it is to have to suffer the bad days of your life without the ones who would able to help you get through them. Thinking, “How could my friends already get married by this age? I got pneumonia and I really couldn’t think how I would not die without the help of my parents. I don’t think a husband would be of enough use.”

I wish I were sentimental enough to have the courage to tell them how much I cherish their presence, how much I’d like to be home by their sides at the very moment, how much I need their constant supplies of never-ending blessings.

“O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they have nourished me when I was young.”

In Days in Edmonton, Overcasted Mind

It’s always been about managing expectations

Posted on Leave a comment
It’s always been about managing expectations

There has been several moments in my life where I was sure that I was good at something, was ready to receive the best possible result after great hard work coupled with something that I believed as possibly talent as well, but at the end of the day, things didn’t work out the way I wanted them to be.

Last year in 2016, it happened twice. I gave my best effort with hard work and prayers and all, and people and I myself knew if there were things that I was legit good at, it was those things.

Well, it didn’t work.

And it just happened again, within this current phase of life that I planned to take care as best as I could, after having learned all those lessons before. The final results weren’t bad though, but it was just moderately good. In my own scale however, that would be just so-so. And it wasn’t going to be that disappointing if it weren’t for those things that I thought I could definitely nail.

People and I myself have told me several times that I suck at being grateful at times. The truth is, it’s not that I forget to be thankful; it’s just I’ve always raised the bar so high and I barely forgive myself easily when I fail jumping above it.

To me, these kinds of things hurt the most. More than actual scars I got when I had my first traffic accident, more than any major heartbreaks I went through, more than mood swing times when I feel like all persons are trashy. Because this one lingers, this one I’ll remember for the rest of my life, particularly when some of them are indeed literally written in the form of official note of accomplishments.

A short talk to a friend that I knew would be able to give me some reasonable advice made me realize the primary issue: I’ve always forgotten to be sincere at those. Ikhtiar, my mother language says.

Maybe, it’s not that hard work doesn’t get paid off, or that best effort betrays. Maybe, it’s not that the greater power doesn’t answer my prayers. Maybe, it’s just that I’m being too clingy at it, as if it’s the most and the only significant accomplishment I’ve ever wanted, then I get too attached to my own expectations, as I want those things too much that I forget to let God do the rest.

And I can only tell myself: dear future Bila, don’t be anymore.

In Adventure of a Lifetime, Wanderlogue

Why choosing Emirates was the best thing happened to me in 2016 – part III: Toronto

Posted on 4 Comments
Why choosing Emirates was the best thing happened to me in 2016 – part III: Toronto

Keesokan paginya, semua awalnya terlihat berjalan lancar. Karena antisipasi berlebihan, saya tiba di bandara 3 jam sebelumnya, gate pun belum dibuka. Sempat telepon Adhi dulu dan meyakinkan dia untuk jangan cerita siapa-siapa (meski akhirnya saya tulis juga di blog ini, lol). Beberapa jam kemudian saya sudah berada di pesawat menuju Toronto.

Kemudian saya menyadari, there could be another challenge. Karena di Toronto saya harus membuat study permit sebelum lanjut ke connecting flight, dan saat itu waktu transit saya kurang dari 90 menit sebelum pesawat menuju Edmonton berangkat. And it would be utterly stupid if I miss another flight during this trip.

Pesawat pun landing di Toronto, dan saya sudah siapkan semangat terambis saya untuk menyerbu barisan manusia di airport demi mencapai antrian sedepan-depannya di Canada Borders and Immigration. Dan benar saja dugaan saya, antriannya sangat panjang hingga saya betul-betul panik apakah saya bisa tepat waktu mengejar flight selanjutnya.

Setelah menunggu pergerakan yang sangat memakan waktu di antrian tersebut (dan dua kali antri pula) dan study permit saya pun terbit setelah interview yang bikin gemas karena interviewer saya kelewat santai sementara saya gak berani minta buru-buru karena takut study permit saya malah gak terbit, saya langsung lari sekencang-kencangnya menuju gate. Dan ternyata… jauh. Banget. Parah. Kacau. Saya gak ingat mana yang lebih capek, saat lari-lari di LHR mengejar pesawat menuju Toronto yang akhirnya saya ketinggalan, atau pada saat itu. Betul-betul gak ada detik yang gak saya habiskan dengan berlari, saya cuma jalan karena memang mesti antri di security check seperti normalnya. Saya masih ingat betapa ingin nangisnya saat itu karena saya mengecek jam tangan saya setiap menit, menyadari bahwa pasti kalaupun saya beruntung saya akan jadi the last passenger on board. Di escalator dan di manapun saya terus lari dengan kecepatan dan durasi yang jauh melebihi tes lari jaman TPB di ITB (kebayang kan capeknya!) sampai akhirnya, kurang dari lima menit sebelum closing gate saya sampai di gate tersebut.

I was indeed the very last passenger to board. Kurang dari satu menit setelah saya duduk, pesawat pun take off.

MasyaAllah.

Saat itu hanya rasa syukur yang ada. Akhirnya saya di penerbangan final menuju Edmonton, menuju tempat yang sudah saya nanti-nantikan sejak berbulan-bulan lalu, gak harus lagi merasa deg-degan sepanjang penerbangan.

And it was worth it. I liked Edmonton from the very first time, I had Tim Horton’s for the very first time (and got one free double-double somehow! Yay), I knew I’m going to love being here for the upcoming two years.

Meskipun dua bagasi saya ternyata nyasar, dan saya yakin sepenuhnya itu masih tertinggal di London saat transisi dari Emirates ke Air Canada. Betul-betul sudah jatuh tertimpa tangga. But well, just a reason to shop new clothings, lol.

In Adventure of a Lifetime, Days in Edmonton, Thoughtful Enlightenment

Silver linings (and a chance of golden fortune) – Part II

Posted on Leave a comment
Silver linings (and a chance of golden fortune) – Part II

Bulan September tahun lalu, bisa dibilang saya hampir putus asa mencari some things to work on, to keep me sane.

Empat tahun berakrab ria dengan perkuliahan dan segala aktivitas non-akademik dan dinamikanya yang membuat kami para mahasiswa menjadi task-juggler dan penggila kesibukan, kemudian tiba-tiba menjadi completely pengangguran selama tiga bulan mendorong saya pada salah satu titik terendah di tahun tersebut. I have been failing many times in my life, but not that way. That was different, and hurtful from every possible view.

Sebagian teman-teman terdekat saya sudah bekerja di kantor, sebagian mengerjakan proyek dosen, sebagian lagi memulai bisnis yang menyenangkan, ada pula yang sudah memulai Master degree. Pada akhirnya, meski sedikit terlambat, saya (mencoba) bangun dan memutuskan untuk mengerjakan hal yang saya sukai. Then, @dhaniaalbani was first established.

I got to work on some arts I’ve never had any chance to do due to the lack of time, people appreciate my work and they want to buy them for real, dan rasanya… priceless.

Bersamaan dengan itu, supervisor saya menawarkan untuk mengerjakan dua proyeknya. Bebannya tidak terlalu banyak, pekerjaan-pekerjaan tersebut bisa saya kerjakan di rumah dan hanya butuh untuk seminggu sekali bertemu di kantor untuk laporan mingguan. Dhania Albani bisa tetap berjalan, dan akhirnya saya pun bisa menghasilkan uang bukan hanya dari hobi saya tapi juga keilmuan saya. Alhamdulillah.

Berbeda dengan laboratorium-laboratorium lain di prodi yang menggaji fresh grad secara perbulan tanpa mempertimbangkan jumlah proyek yang didapat, supervisor saya yang dermawan ternyata membayar per jumlah proyek. Nominal bulanan tersebut tidak jauh berbeda dari pemasukan seorang wellsite geologist di perusahaan multinasional, jadi meskipun proyek tersebut berlangsung selama kurang dari satu semester, saya tetap bisa berinvestasi lebih banyak untuk proyek penunjang kebahagiaan saya, Dhania Albani. Dan cita-cita saya yang belum kesampaian untuk bekerja di EP company pada akhirnya ditukar dengan sesuatu yang bahkan jauh lebih baik.

Low-paced life ternyata baik untuk saya. Waktu-waktu seperti itu membuat saya jadi memiliki waktu luang untuk berpikir tentang apa yang betul-betul saya inginkan untuk kehidupan saya, orang-orang di sekitar saya, dan dunia luar yang ternyata membutuhkan saya dan kita semua. Dari pemikiran kecil itulah perantauan saya akan dimulai dalam beberapa bulan, untuk memulai kehidupan yang completely baru.

Dulu saya berpikir ingin segera lulus karena ingin segera memulai kehidupan baru dimana segala halnya jauh dari latar belakang dan hidup yang sudah saya jalani. To restart a completely new life, in a new place, with a new pursuit.

Well, you need to be really careful of what you wished for, for it might come true in some unexpected ways.

And here it goes, I’ll be nearly 10,000 miles away from home in few months. Having no Indonesians that I knew around, no adults to protect me, no possible way to using Bahasa for surviving the days.

You might never hear the word “Edmonton” before, because neither do I before months ago when I completely wanted to change my destination from that lifetime-pursued Norway and its Scandinavian delicacy. Nevertheless, that is the name of a city which is going to be my second home for the next couple of years.

The point is, we truly never know. The lucky one isn’t probably the happiest one. The one looking like having the least idealized life might actually keep some priceless treasure. White collars or blue collars, black or white skins—they’re just all colours. Absolute bliss lies far beyond those measurable materials.

We might be hit by tons of bad news today or tomorrow or anytime soon, but life has indeed always been a sine curve, it is no new news. Everyone gets hurt, but the ones with bigger hearts don’t choose to suffer. The fortunate ones are just the ones who are so talented at hiding their flaws.

We will never be sure about which direction we’ll be sailing onto, but we can always be sure where it’s going to end. And we already even know the answer by now, don’t we?

In Adventure of a Lifetime, Days in Edmonton, Thoughtful Enlightenment

Silver linings (and a chance of golden fortune) – Part I

Posted on Leave a comment
Silver linings (and a chance of golden fortune) – Part I

The very last thing you will likely to know about surviving life, is where the wind blows tomorrow thus which path you’re going to end up sailing onto.

And every once in a while, our wrecked ships are the only ones that remain after hard storms. And nothing else stays, but a better place where we end up landing.

It might be, that the pursuit of my true dream would never begin if it wasn’t due to the loss of opportunities I thought I could grip in my hands. (Read: plunging oil price, un-recruitment, and so forth)

Had it been otherwise, I might’ve ended up in some oil and gas company where I had previously done an apprentice at, collecting incomes, buying expensive clothing and gadgets, ordering flight tickets to someplace every once in a month, and simply no longer bothering to think about discovering what truly matters for me in my life.

Well—frankly I do still desire those sort of life, for certain. I’m on my early 20’s, my ambition is big, my goals are on a very long list, my bucket list goes on and on, and working in a very well-paid multinational company having all good things secured within my hands would surely help a lot to achieve such wonderful picture-perfect life. But believe me, I’ve been in some alone moments where I got to rethink and say, Hey, that isn’t really what you’ve been wanting to accomplish all your lifetime. And you secretly know that.

Well again, that may be someone else’s life goals, or everyone’s deep desire (and I don’t refuse to admit that I indeed belong to that “everyone”) after all, and nothing is wrong with that. Apart from, that is not entirely me.

After all, it is the “storm” that brought me to rediscover everything. That awakened me by slapping me so hard right on my face, shouting, “You are literally not gonna head anywhere, not because your ship is wrecked, but because you hold on too much to the unattainable, so you better move today and find something worth fighting to fight for!”

And here I am. Within 90 days, I’ll be living in a strange place, surrounded with strange faces, witnessing strange landscapes in unfamiliar shapes and patterns, speaking in a strange language, and even as a stranger. In a city I had never thought I’d be living in all my life before today, learning to master things I thought I’d given up since years ago.

Nevertheless, I’ll be on a journey that marks an entrance into what I’ve been silently waiting every single day before today:

to renew a life, in an unknown place where—literally—everybody doesn’t know who I am or who I was, what and where I’ve been going through, how and why I stand solo there.

Within 90 days, I’d separate myself away from things that have been common all my lifetime, saluting new days of uncertainty, stepping onto the road less taken.

And today, all I know is that this is not even worth trading with years of good life I could’ve earned given that things had been as I planned before.

How universe turned the bad luck into something good, so good beyond I could’ve dared imagining.

We never know, and nobody is ever so sure about anything either. As much as I ever wanted the picture-perfect life that I’m waving my goodbyes to, I’m being more than grateful for what I have now in my grasp.