That one thought that lingers since last year

That one thought that lingers since last year

Do you ever feel like you’re just not yourself, or at least not your regular, bearable self? Like you’ve somehow discovered some anomalous, unnatural habits that make you yourself even cringe to live under that living body. Like it’s just so not you. At least not in the past. Maybe time changes you, maybe the circumstance, maybe the geographical place… But whatever it is behind that, it clearly doesn’t do a good job getting you metamorphosed into a beautiful butterfly.

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So, I’m pretty much overwhelmed and..

So, I’m pretty much overwhelmed and..

I think it’s aggravating that sometimes, you dwell so deep in a mistake you made like there’s no way you could be any more disappointed than that, but if you trace into the root of the actual issue, it’s not even about yourself. Like you might actually be okay about that, and you knew you probably deserved that moment, and you wanted to just accept the fact if you could… But it’s still way too exacerbating, probably because you disappoint other people instead. Be it people that you love, or people whom you need to earn the trust from. Anyhow, people who matter. People who somehow seems to be in control of whatever state you’re in or will be in, depending on how you perform.

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On missing the only institution where I was actually happy to be unhappy

On missing the only institution where I was actually happy to be unhappy

Today was Saturday, but I forced myself to head to my office at the university anyway. As a home person, I would obviously rather work from the comfort of my own desk in my house if I could, but I could not. I just wouldn’t be able to be concentrate somehow, and so the only other option is the university because it’s the only other place where I could still practice my 5-time prayers. So, to the office I went.

I started pretty late in the noon, so I finished up pretty late as well. Even though it was a Saturday. By the time the city lights embellished the entire view from the huge window next to my working space, my room was the only space with the lights on in the entire Centennial Centre for Interdisciplinary Sciences building. Sure enough, the idea of being totally alone during such hour in an isolated building deep inside within the very quiet part of the university kind of terrified me, so I decided to wrap up my thoughts and prepared to head home. My watch said it’s nearly a quarter past 10 already.

I took the only stairs connecting my floor to the first floor which was a dark, rarely used emergency exit. (I had promised myself to never take the elevators anymore for the health’s sake, that’s why.) I rushed my steps with my headphones on, playing some catchy tunes from Belle and Sebastian’s latest release, as I am not really a type of person who’s okay with being alone in the dark. I pushed the stairs’ door on the first floor, then was speeding up a little bit to be able to catch the bus. I was outside already. A moonless, mute nightfall was then unfolded ahead of me.

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I wish my days in Canada were as pleasing as my Instagram posts

I wish my days in Canada were as pleasing as my Instagram posts

So I haven’t posted anything in a while… But I thought I might do a quick one, just because I feel like I need a short escape from my daily responsibilities by doing something that isn’t completely the opposite either. And writing sounds like a good fit, doesn’t it?

Also, I realized that I haven’t really posted much about the actual regular days I’m going through on daily basis here in Edmonton. I think I did a couple, months ago, but I took them down some time ago (hehe) because of one and two things that got me thinking that I probably shouldn’t be that transparent even though the subjects related to those posts are most likely not and never going to read those posts either. But, anyways, I chose the safest path eventually, and I’m going to start fresh by assuming that you readers (if any; see I have a real self-esteem issue here) have no idea which posts I was referring to.

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Randall Pearson of This Is Us

Randall Pearson of This Is Us

I just committed a dangerous sin that I should’ve never even thought of doing at such times like these days when I’m on a tight deadline regarding my thesis progress: binge-watching a TV series that goes for 18 episodes in the first season. But, Lord, is it all worth it. This Is Us is basically an enlarged version of all types of rom-com movies I’m very much into, hence every second spent staring at my laptop’s screen was the utmost guilty pleasure experience.

But the reason why I even type this post is not simplyย because this is a well-thought series worth reviewing. This is something beyond. I’m not really a movie-goer kind of millennial, there are many awesome movies people in average would’ve watched but I haven’t, so when I decide to write a review or even afterthoughts after watching something, the thing must’ve been exceptional. And everyone who has survived watching This Is Us until this year’s new season must’ve agreed with me. All those nights of tears and box of tissue papers were entirely worth wasting.

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Post-Thoughts on Good Will Hunting

Post-Thoughts on Good Will Hunting

To be really honest and also to confirm some ideas about me from people who know me: you guys are right, I am indeed not actually passionate about geology. Gosh, studying ugly-coloured sedimentary rocks that are not even fascinating to look at, that was never something my younger self imaginedย to be something I would be devoted to do anytime in the future. But now that I am taking a Master’s degree in it, doesn’t it sound like I’ve been investing too much for someone who is not even that into the subject?

The thing is, that kind of “passion” is not what keeps me going. Nearly six years being submerged into this field, I realize that I do not necessarily have to be interested and excited about the subject to keep myself being on the track. I wasn’t, and am not even looking for fun in something that I would like to study, learn, and be responsible about. Most people who know me would’ve (and even have) said, “I think your passion is in art! Why didn’t you go to art school and became an artist instead?”

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