In Days in Edmonton, Wanderlogue

Winter in Canadian Rockies

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Winter in Canadian Rockies

It was my first travel with the U of A Outdoors Club without my usual pals of the club. I remembered that I decided to go, even without telling them that I signed up because I knew that I had to find a new circle. Whether I liked the idea or not, I had to develop a new comfort zone. People who would get along well with me, and maybe share the same passion or interest with me too, to make it easier. Of courseย then this trip made the perfect sense. First of all, it was the Outdoors Club, whom people are pretty much equivalent to ITB’s LFM in a way that the majority of us listens to the similar type of indie pop/alternative/indie rock music, and we freakin’ love travels. Secondly, this particular trip was called Photography Trip, so it resembled LFM on a whole new level now. And it would make the most sense for me to find one or two new friends from the trip–that hopefully would help me to reconnect with new people.

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In Days in Edmonton, Playlist

If my current life were a TV series, these would be the theme songs:

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If my current life were a TV series, these would be the theme songs:

Sometimes when I was casually strolling on the rustic sidewalk on one of those days back in the Fall, particularly early in the day when the daybreak just rose, or later when the yellow shades of afternoon just turned gold and the evening breeze began to nudge my cheeks, I imagined if I had actually been living in a TV series. (And all this messed up reality is actually just a fake show, ha! Well, I wish.) There would be a camera shooting from one side of my moving feet, then another one from the tip of my right eye which was staring straight onto the avenue, and another one just across my lips that were mumbling some lyrics that I remembered from these songs.

The story begins when a girl feels like she’s misplaced in this small town, and she struggles to find a circle where she really fits in, without feeling like she has to try all the time.

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In Days in Edmonton, Impulsive Writing, Overcasted Mind

That one thought that lingers since last year

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That one thought that lingers since last year

Do you ever feel like you’re just not yourself, or at least not your regular, bearable self? Like you’ve somehow discovered some anomalous, unnatural habits that make you yourself even cringe to live under that living body. Like it’s just so not you. At least not in the past. Maybe time changes you, maybe the circumstance, maybe the geographical place… But whatever it is behind that, it clearly doesn’t do a good job getting you metamorphosed into a beautiful butterfly.

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In Overcasted Mind

So, I’m pretty much overwhelmed and..

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So, I’m pretty much overwhelmed and..

I think it’s aggravating that sometimes, you dwell so deep in a mistake you made like there’s no way you could be any more disappointed than that, but if you trace into the root of the actual issue, it’s not even about yourself. Like you might actually be okay about that, and you knew you probably deserved that moment, and you wanted to just accept the fact if you could… But it’s still way too exacerbating, probably because you disappoint other people instead. Be it people that you love, or people whom you need to earn the trust from. Anyhow, people who matter. People who somehow seems to be in control of whatever state you’re in or will be in, depending on how you perform.

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In Days in Edmonton, Overcasted Mind

On missing the only institution where I was actually happy to be unhappy

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On missing the only institution where I was actually happy to be unhappy

Today was Saturday, but I forced myself to head to my office at the university anyway. As a home person, I would obviously rather work from the comfort of my own desk in my house if I could, but I could not. I just wouldn’t be able to be concentrate somehow, and so the only other option is the university because it’s the only other place where I could still practice my 5-time prayers. So, to the office I went.

I started pretty late in the noon, so I finished up pretty late as well. Even though it was a Saturday. By the time the city lights embellished the entire view from the huge window next to my working space, my room was the only space with the lights on in the entire Centennial Centre for Interdisciplinary Sciences building. Sure enough, the idea of being totally alone during such hour in an isolated building deep inside within the very quiet part of the university kind of terrified me, so I decided to wrap up my thoughts and prepared to head home. My watch said it’s nearly a quarter past 10 already.

I took the only stairs connecting my floor to the first floor which was a dark, rarely used emergency exit. (I had promised myself to never take the elevators anymore for the health’s sake, that’s why.) I rushed my steps with my headphones on, playing some catchy tunes from Belle and Sebastian’s latest release, as I am not really a type of person who’s okay with being alone in the dark. I pushed the stairs’ door on the first floor, then was speeding up a little bit to be able to catch the bus. I was outside already. A moonless, mute nightfall was then unfolded ahead of me.

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In Days in Edmonton, Overcasted Mind

I wish my days in Canada were as pleasing as my Instagram posts

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I wish my days in Canada were as pleasing as my Instagram posts

So I haven’t posted anything in a while… But I thought I might do a quick one, just because I feel like I need a short escape from my daily responsibilities by doing something that isn’t completely the opposite either. And writing sounds like a good fit, doesn’t it?

Also, I realized that I haven’t really posted much about the actual regular days I’m going through on daily basis here in Edmonton. I think I did a couple, months ago, but I took them down some time ago (hehe) because of one and two things that got me thinking that I probably shouldn’t be that transparent even though the subjects related to those posts are most likely not and never going to read those posts either. But, anyways, I chose the safest path eventually, and I’m going to start fresh by assuming that you readers (if any; see I have a real self-esteem issue here) have no idea which posts I was referring to.

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