Showing all posts tagged things to be grateful about

In She & Him, Wanderlogue

Christmas in New York City, N.Y. (2016)

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Christmas in New York City, N.Y. (2016)

I’ve never been a fan of bustling, light-striking metropolitan city and I don’t think I ever will. Even after NYC. Where concrete jungles where dreams are made of sanction the majestic pillars of modern urban livelihood of 21st century, the streets that make ones feel brand new are always far from quiescence, and the lights inspire its people to keep on chasing their own American dreams. Because, well, sirens are all around, the streets are mean, and noise is always loud, yeah?

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In Adventure of a Lifetime, She & Him, Thoughtful Enlightenment

Spilled ink by alter ego: How wishes find their way

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Spilled ink by alter ego: How wishes find their way

Somehow, someday, the core of your wishes will all come true in the most unexpected way.

I used to dream about working in some former dream multinational companies, making earnings in dollar cheques and all. I didn’t, but it was actually better. After months of devastation due to post-power syndrome, being left by closest friends with their new post-graduation responsibilites, I was handed my first actual job—which unexpectedly brought sort of similar 8 digits of monthly earnings. And it was even better than I could imagine. I still got to pursue my old dream of selling my own handicrafts and arts and all because the workloads weren’t quite much, and crossing things out of my wishlist which I hadn’t had the opportunities to do when I was still at school. Had I not establish my first ever artsy store, the current version of myself may not love herself as much as she does right now for finally making true of the thing she thought would simply be just gone.

I used to have big ambitions and confidence about myself, particularly as the side-effect of constant achievement at younger age that somehow helped me to picture what kind of person I should be. Now I grow up mature enough to realize that the past cannot define anything about you, unless you make the best of your present time. I’ve seen people of so-so achievement during school finally skyrockets with their widely recognized trophies and all, and people with better past end up being mediocre.

Having ambitions and confidence and all, I used to wonder about attending world’s top ten universities. Before wisdom came and helped me to see that there are bigger things that I might want to consider. Eventually, in a couple weeks I’ll be moving to a city less recognized, somewhere less known. Where literally nobody knows my name, nor who I am or what I’ve been. Pursuing a subject that I thought I’d given up since long ago.

But I’ll see northern lights, canoe and swim in the world’s best lakes, read newspaper filled with good news of the best government in the world, have picnic and lay on the grass of Northern America’s largest city parks, ride bicycle along the city river, meet the most polite white people, be taught by some professors I’ve been admiring and all. Things I won’t trade with going to world’s top ten universities. Things I thank myself about for being sane enough to choose over a recognition of a more popular school. Things that will matter a lot more than sitting in the class of a more recognized school.

I used to adore a guy who seemed to have all those things I’ve always thought I want in a lover. This is a wish I remember clearly I have buried so very deeply, by letting go and sincerely praying for better human to come. Years later, someone else came up and in the most unanticipated way, the universe worked for us. For when you let go, something even much better moves in your way. With all his positivity and flaws that are entirely a complete package resembling the very ideal significant other of mine, even much better than that one old crush I used to picture as the perfect one.

You never know how a downfall may be your gate to the truest betterment. How descending oil price leads you to discover what you really want to do with your life, how the shifting route of your entire projected future helps you to find out what are the things that matter the most to help you build a life of happiness, or how major heartbreak brings you to a better human you never knew existed, that might also end up as your destined half.

In Overcasted Mind, Thoughtful Enlightenment

Spilled ink by alter ego: to think thankfully

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Spilled ink by alter ego: to think thankfully

Clouds above clouds, greener grass on neighbor’s yard, half-empty glass of yours;

unless you’re a very positive-minded person with optimistic vibes 24/7, there’s got to be some moment during your existence when your mind is busy wondering about others’ seemingly happier and luckier lives while physically, here you are, struggling to have the least intention to take another breath and going on with your daily boredom of repeated, ordinary patterns and seemingly uninspiring routines.

Been there, done that.

But not anymore.

I once uninstalled that particular social media made to create more public impression rather than self-expression, called Path. Mostly because I was extremely exhausted witnessing social climbers showing off parts of their most expensive routines, obviously trying to earn some degree of popularity by tagging people of #CoolKidsofInstagram in the hope that people will notice how superior their circle of you-can’t-sit-with-us is, while leaving footmarks in places that seem to define how heavenly their current life is, or how bright their future is going to be. While in fact, I know pretty well how those things are just of minor matters in their actual lives and what they did there wasn’t more than simply showing how desperate they would like to be recognized in society.

I once cared, just like we once did.

But some simple steps saved me.

It might sound cliché but honestly, when you begin doing things—even the simplest ones—that really, really invite joy into your life, eventually the rest of your worries disappears.

When you get to take great pictures using analog cameras you bought yourself by saving from your income, eventually you’ll have no time to be jealous to those whose photographs were taken using high-spec full-frame cameras.

When you spare time to wander around your hometown all day by yourself, watching stories of unknown people as they go by, eventually you’ll have no time caring about people who are on vacation abroad.

When you get to do your hobbies of art and stuff for unlimited time, you would never wish you were someone else who work in some well-paid multinational company with dollar payments but no time to pursue things that make the greatest joy in their life.

When you’re accepted to the university of your dream because everything there seems to fit not only your academic purposes but also most of your major wishes in life, you won’t even want to trade places with those accepted in MIT or Harvard. Not even think to trade places with those who already get their degree earlier than you will.

When you meet a particular person whose presence is a true blessing to your life, not anymore you will admire perfect couples with fairytale-alike weddings; because deep down you know no other stories are better than yours.

Not anymore I get jealous of pretty girls who attended social science school and achieving so many and showing up being interviewed on TV because of their brilliant thoughts. Nor to white-collared employees with well-paid jobs in my former dream companies. Nor to geniuses with very long achievement lists on their CVs whose future seem to be so very bright it can make the Sun feel ashamed.

It is now safe to say, I like my life a lot. Even with unknown future in front of me, unsecured romance life on LDR phase, not so superior GPA, so-so look, average brain and all.

You may look at people’s curated version of their lives through any platforms they allow you and be devastated wondering if only their lives were yours—but really, it shouldn’t stop you from pursuing small joy that lies within every day of your life.

Now I watch more stories of people’s accomplishments or happy life routines feeling safe and secured. I read great news of friends accomplishing ABC’s feeling joyful because they help the world to be a better place already. I see amazing photos from friends’ holiday trip feeling cool because the world is already filled with sad posts too much.

All it takes is accomplishing small things that make you love yourself again to get rid of jealousy, indeed.

In Adventure of a Lifetime, Days in Edmonton, Thoughtful Enlightenment

Silver linings (and a chance of golden fortune) – Part II

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Silver linings (and a chance of golden fortune) – Part II

Bulan September tahun lalu, bisa dibilang saya hampir putus asa mencari some things to work on, to keep me sane.

Empat tahun berakrab ria dengan perkuliahan dan segala aktivitas non-akademik dan dinamikanya yang membuat kami para mahasiswa menjadi task-juggler dan penggila kesibukan, kemudian tiba-tiba menjadi completely pengangguran selama tiga bulan mendorong saya pada salah satu titik terendah di tahun tersebut. I have been failing many times in my life, but not that way. That was different, and hurtful from every possible view.

Sebagian teman-teman terdekat saya sudah bekerja di kantor, sebagian mengerjakan proyek dosen, sebagian lagi memulai bisnis yang menyenangkan, ada pula yang sudah memulai Master degree. Pada akhirnya, meski sedikit terlambat, saya (mencoba) bangun dan memutuskan untuk mengerjakan hal yang saya sukai. Then, @dhaniaalbani was first established.

I got to work on some arts I’ve never had any chance to do due to the lack of time, people appreciate my work and they want to buy them for real, dan rasanya… priceless.

Bersamaan dengan itu, supervisor saya menawarkan untuk mengerjakan dua proyeknya. Bebannya tidak terlalu banyak, pekerjaan-pekerjaan tersebut bisa saya kerjakan di rumah dan hanya butuh untuk seminggu sekali bertemu di kantor untuk laporan mingguan. Dhania Albani bisa tetap berjalan, dan akhirnya saya pun bisa menghasilkan uang bukan hanya dari hobi saya tapi juga keilmuan saya. Alhamdulillah.

Berbeda dengan laboratorium-laboratorium lain di prodi yang menggaji fresh grad secara perbulan tanpa mempertimbangkan jumlah proyek yang didapat, supervisor saya yang dermawan ternyata membayar per jumlah proyek. Nominal bulanan tersebut tidak jauh berbeda dari pemasukan seorang wellsite geologist di perusahaan multinasional, jadi meskipun proyek tersebut berlangsung selama kurang dari satu semester, saya tetap bisa berinvestasi lebih banyak untuk proyek penunjang kebahagiaan saya, Dhania Albani. Dan cita-cita saya yang belum kesampaian untuk bekerja di EP company pada akhirnya ditukar dengan sesuatu yang bahkan jauh lebih baik.

Low-paced life ternyata baik untuk saya. Waktu-waktu seperti itu membuat saya jadi memiliki waktu luang untuk berpikir tentang apa yang betul-betul saya inginkan untuk kehidupan saya, orang-orang di sekitar saya, dan dunia luar yang ternyata membutuhkan saya dan kita semua. Dari pemikiran kecil itulah perantauan saya akan dimulai dalam beberapa bulan, untuk memulai kehidupan yang completely baru.

Dulu saya berpikir ingin segera lulus karena ingin segera memulai kehidupan baru dimana segala halnya jauh dari latar belakang dan hidup yang sudah saya jalani. To restart a completely new life, in a new place, with a new pursuit.

Well, you need to be really careful of what you wished for, for it might come true in some unexpected ways.

And here it goes, I’ll be nearly 10,000 miles away from home in few months. Having no Indonesians that I knew around, no adults to protect me, no possible way to using Bahasa for surviving the days.

You might never hear the word “Edmonton” before, because neither do I before months ago when I completely wanted to change my destination from that lifetime-pursued Norway and its Scandinavian delicacy. Nevertheless, that is the name of a city which is going to be my second home for the next couple of years.

The point is, we truly never know. The lucky one isn’t probably the happiest one. The one looking like having the least idealized life might actually keep some priceless treasure. White collars or blue collars, black or white skins—they’re just all colours. Absolute bliss lies far beyond those measurable materials.

We might be hit by tons of bad news today or tomorrow or anytime soon, but life has indeed always been a sine curve, it is no new news. Everyone gets hurt, but the ones with bigger hearts don’t choose to suffer. The fortunate ones are just the ones who are so talented at hiding their flaws.

We will never be sure about which direction we’ll be sailing onto, but we can always be sure where it’s going to end. And we already even know the answer by now, don’t we?

In Adventure of a Lifetime, Days in Edmonton, Thoughtful Enlightenment

Silver linings (and a chance of golden fortune) – Part I

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Silver linings (and a chance of golden fortune) – Part I

The very last thing you will likely to know about surviving life, is where the wind blows tomorrow thus which path you’re going to end up sailing onto.

And every once in a while, our wrecked ships are the only ones that remain after hard storms. And nothing else stays, but a better place where we end up landing.

It might be, that the pursuit of my true dream would never begin if it wasn’t due to the loss of opportunities I thought I could grip in my hands. (Read: plunging oil price, un-recruitment, and so forth)

Had it been otherwise, I might’ve ended up in some oil and gas company where I had previously done an apprentice at, collecting incomes, buying expensive clothing and gadgets, ordering flight tickets to someplace every once in a month, and simply no longer bothering to think about discovering what truly matters for me in my life.

Well—frankly I do still desire those sort of life, for certain. I’m on my early 20’s, my ambition is big, my goals are on a very long list, my bucket list goes on and on, and working in a very well-paid multinational company having all good things secured within my hands would surely help a lot to achieve such wonderful picture-perfect life. But believe me, I’ve been in some alone moments where I got to rethink and say, Hey, that isn’t really what you’ve been wanting to accomplish all your lifetime. And you secretly know that.

Well again, that may be someone else’s life goals, or everyone’s deep desire (and I don’t refuse to admit that I indeed belong to that “everyone”) after all, and nothing is wrong with that. Apart from, that is not entirely me.

After all, it is the “storm” that brought me to rediscover everything. That awakened me by slapping me so hard right on my face, shouting, “You are literally not gonna head anywhere, not because your ship is wrecked, but because you hold on too much to the unattainable, so you better move today and find something worth fighting to fight for!”

And here I am. Within 90 days, I’ll be living in a strange place, surrounded with strange faces, witnessing strange landscapes in unfamiliar shapes and patterns, speaking in a strange language, and even as a stranger. In a city I had never thought I’d be living in all my life before today, learning to master things I thought I’d given up since years ago.

Nevertheless, I’ll be on a journey that marks an entrance into what I’ve been silently waiting every single day before today:

to renew a life, in an unknown place where—literally—everybody doesn’t know who I am or who I was, what and where I’ve been going through, how and why I stand solo there.

Within 90 days, I’d separate myself away from things that have been common all my lifetime, saluting new days of uncertainty, stepping onto the road less taken.

And today, all I know is that this is not even worth trading with years of good life I could’ve earned given that things had been as I planned before.

How universe turned the bad luck into something good, so good beyond I could’ve dared imagining.

We never know, and nobody is ever so sure about anything either. As much as I ever wanted the picture-perfect life that I’m waving my goodbyes to, I’m being more than grateful for what I have now in my grasp.